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The Prosecution: Beth

At times she films me while I’m eating. I’ll see myself on her Instagram – it feels like a jumpscare.

A close companion of a decade, she, calls herself the “creativity monarch”. It can be amusing for a short while, but it strains our relationship.

Being highly outgoing, she feels the need to document everything all the time. During meals out, she says, “The phone eats first,” and takes photos with the flash on, which induces embarrassment. I don’t like it when strangers see her posing or filming – I get secondhand embarrassment. Another annoyance is because meals lose their warmth.

She isn’t exactly an influencer yet, but Marielle is trying to be. She creates vlogs about city life, a day in her life, and her styling career. Her content is good, I’ll give her that, but I don’t want to be involved. Sometimes I'm captured while dining, or simply tagging along. I’ll see myself on her feed afterwards, and it pops up like a jumpscare: I’ll have bare-faced, an awkward face or photographed mid-bite. It’s uncomfortable.

Marielle also anticipates that I will to record her at inconvenient times. Often I’ll be talking to someone else, or we're simply spending time in the street. I feel like our friendship has turned into me serving as her unpaid videographer. She has the means to employ someone if she wanted professional shots. Upon mentioning my discomfort about this arrangement, she brushed it off. She’s taken me to several industry functions, which were appreciated, but that doesn't compensate for all the energy I spend helping her make content.

I appreciate that she has helped me with my career in design, but I don’t want our friendship to become just a ledger of favours. I don't believe she's insincere or dishonest, but at times I feel that if the camera is out, we will begin acting in a way that presents a favorable image for her channel.

She will say, “OK, look happy!” and record me laughing with someone. It’s so silly. I need her to understand that our 10-year friendship still has boundaries. I love spending time with her, but I also desire to enjoy it without being recorded, altered, or posted for an viewers. I am not a accessory for her online persona.

The Defence: The Content Creator's View

I want Beth to see that the creations we produce together can get us an opportunity.

I am passionate about creating videos. It’s not just a hobby; it's integral to who I am. Creating videos and documenting experiences online allows me to express myself and engage with people in new ways.

I don’t see myself as a professional creator yet, but it’s smart to make money from your interests. I admire people on TikTok who execute that aesthetic of informal, self-made film-making.

Creating content is my version of engaging with life: noticing the details, posting them with an viewership that appreciates the art behind it. It's never my aim to make my friend uneasy. Bringing her to professional gatherings was my way of sharing opportunities, providing her a opportunity to witness exclusive moments that could benefit her career in design too. That isn't leverage, it’s just being pragmatic.

I would take her to these events even if she refused to assist me, but I want her to see what the content we create together can achieve: a foot in the door. I know not everyone enjoys being filmed, but sometimes spontaneity is what makes material authentic. Being recorded from time to time is part and parcel of being my companion. I'd remove anything she requested, but she hasn't made such a request yet.

I don’t expect anyone to be my private filmmaker, but companions help each other in minor capacities. I thought recording a short video now and then would be fun for her. Innovation flourishes in collaboration, and having my friend around makes projects energetic and pleasurable. I never force her to take part in anything, and I would never intentionally embarrass her. But filming together occasionally is part of how I document our shared experiences.

I value Beth’s friendship profoundly and don’t want making videos to drive a wedge between us. I’m willing to find middle ground: like asking before recording, and steering clear of angles that might make her self-conscious.

This is not about power, it’s about sharing my world while still considering hers. Clearly making content is not a substitute for genuine friendship: it's merely part of how I live my life and I desire her to be included in a way that’s agreeable for each of us.

The Jury: Reader Opinions

Is it right for her to stop filming herself and Beth when they are out together?

There’s nothing more uncomfortable than having a companion point a camera at you. I understand that it’s Marielle’s passion, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my work. Maybe she can find like-minded creators to collaborate with. Given the dark, looming future of technology, human connections are the only thing we have – cherish them!
Liberty, 25

If you’re doing something as a career, it's unfair to expect your friends for help repeatedly, even if they have helped previously. If Marielle loves creating, that doesn’t mean everyone around her is content. She needs to honor her friend's privacy.
Ankit, 26

She may enjoy making content and showing off her life online, but it isn't for everyone. It was kind she has helped her friend professionally, but she needs to hear what her friend desires.
Emma, 27

It sounds like you value each other, so cling to that and ensure it’s the priority in your friendship. Foster some authentic memories, where genuine feelings are preserved, not online archives. Even public figures who seem to share their worlds actually have more privacy than it seems.
One opinion, 53

She seems to be not fully engaged nor genuine when they're together – she’s working. Both seem unsure as to where the line is. The answer is not found in trying to alter one another, but in each establishing defined boundaries around what is comfortable to them and seeing if there is an acceptable compromise.
Barbara, 71

Now You Be the Judge

In an online poll: has she been exploiting their friendship?